Yeah, yeah, there remains a sense of amazement that sriku could be married, and happily so for close to a year. Well, I'm not surprised, at least not as much as some of my friends. There have however been some learnings that came about in these 11.5 months which I shall share here now, consider it a PSA if not a baring of the soul.
1. Be a decision supporter and sounding board, do not take over the decision making itself.
2. Your parents and family will be as close to her as you are to her parents and family.
3. Her friends will be as welcoming of you as your friends are of her. Encourage the mingling.
4. Do chores before being asked to, earn those brownie points, don't make it a point to explicitly cash them in when you want something for yourself.
5. Celebrate the little things, make them a big deal.
6. Be open and communicate often, at least until she asks you to STFU.
7. Watch what she wants to watch on TV along with her on occasion, do not watch episodes of a series you are watching together on your own at your own peril.
8. Be the man in the equation, this does not mean sit on your chair and drink beer all the time, it means be the guy who supports her in everything.
9. Your exes are the past, do not encourage discussions how much ever she needles you into those conversations, change the topic subtly, have a laundry list of her interests in your back pocket always.
10. You say no to your mom, she will say no to hers. Keep that equation always.
11. Live as if you are no longer a bachelor, break the habit of going solo on anything anymore. That was a dark time whose sunset has passed and you have welcomed the dawn of a new beginning.
12. Be happy when she pays attention to you. Reciprocate often. It helps.
13. Be committed to what you have chosen for your life. Dive deep and stay submerged.
14. Say no when you think you need to. Reason it out rather than staying aloof. You never needed to before, but you must now.
15. Say yes when you think you should. No reasons are required.
16. Trust in her choices for anything. Let go of some control. Your peace of mind will thank you for it.
17. Be honest above all. Speak the truth, coating it with tact and honey when you perceive it may not be what she would like to hear. But speak the truth, and ask her to do the same.
18. Find out what brings her joy, and encourage her to do those things. Do not badger her into doing things you in your infinite wisdom determine to be good for her.
19. Laugh often, with her, never at her. Laugh at yourself, your stupidity, you know you deserve nothing less than mocking for your actions at times, why not do that yourself.
20. Love her unconditionally, and let her know that you do. How? by all the points above, and any others you can think about.
There, my crib notes to be successful at a marriage/relationship/union with somebody who chose to be a partner in the journey of your life.
